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eBook Category: Science Fiction/Humor
eBook Description: When interdimensional time-thief gets entangled with the Paradox Patrol on the quantum level, find out why time-travelers need breath mints. Story #5 in the Smedley Faversham Chronicles.

eBook Publisher: Fictionwise.com, Published: Analog, 2003
Fictionwise Release Date: September 2008

3 Reader Ratings:

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Available eBook Formats [MultiFormat - What's this?]: eReader (PDB) [36 KB] , ePub (EPUB) [39 KB] , Rocket/REB1100 (RB) [22 KB] , Portable Document Format (PDF) [192 KB] , Palm Doc (PDB) [24 KB] , Microsoft Reader (LIT) [81 KB] , Franklin eBookMan (FUB) [93 KB] , hiebook (KML) [84 KB] , Sony Reader (LRF) [49 KB] , iSilo (PDB) [20 KB] , Mobipocket (PRC) [25 KB] , Kindle Compatible (MOBI) [53 KB] , OEBFF Format (IMP) [38 KB]
Words: 6920
Reading time: 19-27 min.
Microsoft Reader (LIT) Format: Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud ENABLED
Portable Document Format (PDF) Format:  Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud DISABLED
All Other formats: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED

But here, upon this bank and shoal of Time,

we'd jump the life to come.

Macbeth, Act I, scene vii

The river of Time has banks and shoals and backwaters, and its currents flow not always swift nor straight. The currents of Time must forever be patrolled by vigilant time-keepers. Thus it happens that, on one fateful occasion, the Paradox Patrol dispatched one of its chrono-cruiser gunboats to an especially turbulent lagoon along the banks of the river of Time. This particular chrono-cruiser was captained by none other than Julie Anne Callender, the most fearless time-cop in the multiverse. Ahead of her, racing against the current of the time-stream (at twice the speed limit, and without any turn signals) was some sort of fiendish submersible time-vessel, cleverly designed to travel through the time-currents without breaking the surface.

"Halt, in the name of the time-laws!" shouted chrono-constable Callender, activating her comlink and transmitting to the submarine on all known frequencies. "Whoever you are, it is my duty to inform you that you are under arrest. Anything you say will be taken down and used against you."

"Your panties!" jeered a voice through the comlink ... a voice which sounded more than slightly familiar.

"Well, I know where I've heard that voice before," said Julie Anne Callender. "We meet again, Smedley Faversham. I don't normally hear your voice broadcasting from a submarine, but this just proves you're sub-normal."

"I'll handle the puns around here, Julie my gendarme," said the voice of Smedley Faversham over the comlink. Amid the background noise of his transmission, two other voices seemed to chortle in agreement with Smedley's taunts.

"Who've you got in that sub with you?" Callender demanded. "Hostages?"

"Evil henchmen," said Smedley Faversham's voice on the comlink, and the chortles seemed to chuckle exponentially. Just then Smedley's time-sub picked up speed, and Officer Callender had to gun the engines of her chrono-cruiser in order to keep up with him. "Of course, this is a very small submarine," Smedley went on, "so I've only got room for two henchmen in here. For a job requiring four henchmen, I would have left my submarine at home and sailed here aboard my galleon. I usually get four cohorts to the galleon."