"I saw you." I admitted it, feeling the heat move into my cheeks. He flushed, too. "Eli, it was so wonderful!"
"Sarah, I'm sorry." His eyes dropped to the hay. "It is a sin. I shouldn't. I need to stop. I know you'll have to tell Ma...or Da."
"No." I swallowed hard at the thought and cradled his hand against my cheek. "I don't want to tell."
"Something that feels so good can't be a sin," I insisted, half sitting now, back on my elbows. "It can't possibly. I just...I understand now. Why you keep doing it, how the whole world opens up for a moment and you feel like you're dying, or flying. I felt like I could touch God himself."
He was staring at me, wide-eyed. "How long were you watching?"
"I've watched lots of times." I lifted my chin, defiant, in spite of my flushed cheeks. "I touch myself too."
Eli gaped. "Where?"
I hesitated before slowly placing a hand between my legs, over my long skirts. "Here."
Puzzled, he frowned. "But you don't have..."
"I know." I shrugged. "But it feels good, all the same."
His eyes brightened, still focused between my legs. My hand still rested there. "Will you... show me?"
Stunned, I stared at him for a moment, unable to breathe. The sort of sin I'd committed so far was nothing compared to what he was asking. Only babies were allowed to be naked in front of others. I looked into his eyes, saw the eagerness, the hunger there, the longing I felt too, and slowly I started to lift my skirt. His gaze followed its path, up my knee-sock covered calves, and then my bare knees. He gasped when he saw those, his eyes following the path of my skirt up my bare thighs until I had it pulled up to my waist.
Then I pressed my hand between my legs, over the heated, damp mound there, and began to rub myself. He watched, fascinated, his breath coming almost as fast as mine.