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eBook Category: Mystery/Crime/Humor
eBook Description: "The family that steals together, stays together," has always been the motto of the Family Planck--even though they're not very good at the family profession. Patriarch Frank Sr. runs a modest protection racket in a local mall and has taken up tap dancing for anger management. His wife Felicity runs mail order scams from her home computer and dreams of shaking her booty on the beaches of the Bahamas. Their son Freddie "Two-Face" Planck is a smash-and-grab thief with a penchant for booze, and their daughter Freida is a consumer fraudster who's fallen in love with a man from an enemy camp. Their eldest son, Frankie "Fair Deal" Planck, Jr. is a lawyer and son-in-law to a Senator, and he's just been offered the deal of a lifetime, if he can get the rest of his crooked family to leave town--fast. When a ruthless loan shark demands repayment of an old debt, Frankie proposes an elaborate scheme to rob the loan shark so they can repay him with his own money and use the rest of the money to retire to the Bahamas. As the scheme moves forward, family members continue to pursue their individual criminal activities with the usual Planck-family mishaps and screw-ups. But this is one deal the family really can't afford to end in failure..."

eBook Publisher: Virtual Tales, Published: 2008
Fictionwise Release Date: June 2008

3 Reader Ratings:

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Available eBook Formats [MultiFormat - What's this?]: eReader (PDB) [117 KB] , ePub (EPUB) [168 KB] , Rocket/REB1100 (RB) [94 KB] , Adobe Acrobat (PDF) [567 KB] , Palm Doc (PDB) [102 KB] , Microsoft Reader (LIT) [231 KB] , Franklin eBookMan (FUB) [159 KB] , hiebook (KML) [279 KB] , Sony Reader (LRF) [191 KB] , iSilo (PDB) [86 KB] , Mobipocket (PRC) [127 KB] , Kindle Compatible (MOBI) [179 KB] , OEBFF Format (IMP) [147 KB]
Words: 30072
Reading time: 85-120 min.
Microsoft Reader (LIT) Format: Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud ENABLED
Adobe Acrobat (PDF) Format:  Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud DISABLED
All Other formats: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED
ISBN: 9781897442104

"Fair Deal" Frankie Planck Jr. was not a happy lawyer. His bedside phone had rung at 4:30 a.m. That woke his wife, Beatrice, and she got on his back. Now it was 5:30 and he was at the LAPD substation, glaring at his brothers in the basement holding cell. They looked right at home, no surprise. At least this time they weren't in the drunk tank across the corridor.

His brothers, Felix and Fyodor, were filthy. Fyodor appeared to have scorch marks where his eyebrows used to be. Felix had black smudges across his forehead and down one side of his face. Their clothes were torn and charred. Frankie Jr. felt no sympathy. He'd read the arrest report.

The pair had tried to blow the safe in the supermarket at the Buena Vista Mall. The safe had rocketed through a cinder block wall, sailed nearly a hundred feet across the back parking lot and came down through the hood of a parked police car, which happened to be occupied. Except for a few scratches and scorch marks--fewer than the brothers had--the safe stayed intact. Felix and Fyodor were handcuffed the instant they staggered out of the smoke and dust.

Felix, the oldest and smallest, spotted Frankie Jr. first and started whining--always the whiner.

"I need a doctor, Junior. I think my leg's broken from getting hit with a brick. The cops are denying me medical treatment and it's my right."

Frankie Jr. ignored him and addressed Fyodor, who was sometimes less a liar. Fyodor was also older than Frankie Jr. and at about 220 pounds was an oddity in the Planck family, which averaged about 170 or 180, even Mom and sister, Frieda.

"What'd you tell the cops, Fyodor?"

"What else? That we had nothing to do with it. We're out for a late night stroll and whump, the wall blows out all over us, and here we are--innocent citizens. McIlroy gets mad because when the safe goes through his hood it wakes him up, so he busts the first two guys he sees."

"So, you're out for a stroll behind a mall supermarket at four in the morning? That's your dumbass story? That's what you want me to take into court?" shouted Frankie Jr. "You'da been better off if you'da said you were back there dumpster diving for your breakfast!"