He couldn't voice that, but the entreaty hung between them.

"I told you, I don't know." She let go of the robe and brushed her hair behind her ears with both hands. A nervous laugh trilled from her lips. "It was simply ... easier to go along with what you wanted."

"Easier." He tightened his stranglehold on the towel at his neck. She'd dropped her gaze, an unhappy expression constricting her face. And she was biting the inside of her cheek. How many times had he seen her do that when she was anxious? God help him to tread lightly here.

"Yes, easier." She lifted her head, a pleading glimmer in her light blue eyes. "I was afraid if I--"

She clamped her lips on the words and frustrated guilt fired in him. Damn it, obviously she'd done this a lot, kept her feelings locked inside, and he hadn't been astute enough to see that, to draw her out.

"Afraid of what, baby?" He gentled his voice deliberately. "Of me?"

Lord, not that. Please not that. Hearing those words from her would break him.

"Of course not. I'd never be afraid of you." She shook her head. "How can you ask that?"

"Because I'm trying to understand what's going on with us, what went wrong. And I--" He exhaled, trying to clear the brooding tension from his body. He couldn't begin to find a way to fix it without the answers she didn't want to give him. "I'm lost, Barb. What were you scared would happen if you didn't fall in with what I wanted?"

"I was afraid I'd lose you." She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and stared at him with defiance. "There, I said it. Happy now?"

"You thought ... baby, that doesn't make--" This time, he shut his mouth on the words. Better not to go there. "I live for you and those kids. The only way you could lose me is if..."

He swallowed. The only way she could get rid of him was the one way she had--by pushing him away, cutting him out of her life.

"Right." Censure soured her voice. "Look what happened the one time I didn't go along with what you wanted."

The one time? Confused, he frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"What did you do when I tried to talk you out of this whole investigations thing?" She crossed her arms over midriff.

Oh, shit. Go easy there, Del. "What did I do?"

"You left," she said in a choked, hush murmur.

"I couldn't stay." He glanced away from the curves revealed by the maillot she wore under the terry robe. He needed answers, not the distraction of how badly he wanted to run his hands along the indention of her waist, the flare of her hips. "You think I left because you disagreed with me?"

"Didn't you?"

He flinched from the heavy sarcasm that coated the question. "No."

"No," she echoed. Her strangled sob vibrated with anger. "You tell me why then. Why you left. The real reason, not that song and dance about investigations."

He shook his head. "It wasn't a song and dance. There was a job--"

"That meant more than we did."

"No." He shivered in the breeze. "Hell, Barb, I always intended to come back home, once you cooled off. The next thing I know, you're talking divorce. I didn't expect you to see a damn lawyer like that. What was I supposed to do? You obviously didn't want me back. I had to have a freakin' place to live and I couldn't exactly afford the rent on an apartment, the mortgage on this place and pay child support on an insurance investigator's salary. That's why I stayed in sales. I needed the damn commission work and sales bonuses."

"Who said I wanted you to leave?"

"You helped me pack." He kept the words level, didn't let the sarcasm or the pain escape. "You acted like ... I felt like it was nothing to you that I was going."

"How could it be nothing?" Her eyes glittered, tears sparkling on her long lashes. "You were leaving me. I helped you pack because I kept hoping..." She closed her eyes, the tears slipping down her cheeks. "I wanted you to change your mind."

"Oh, Lord." He groaned and cupped her face in his hands, thumbs caressing the wetness from her cheeks. The urge to pull her close and wrap himself around her wracked him. "Baby, why didn't you say anything?"

She grasped his arms, trying to push away. "Would it have done any good?"

"All I wanted to hear was two words." He slid his hands to her shoulders, pulling her closer. Heat radiated from her body, warming his chilled skin. He lowered his head, his mouth a breath away from hers. "Don't go."

Her eyes wide, she looked up at him, her lips parted. She shook her head, tugging away from him. "Stop. You're not going to stand there and pretend you didn't want--"

"Look at me." He reached for her again, but she evaded him. "Tell me the divorce is what you really wanted, that you wanted me gone, and I'll let this go. That'll be the end of it."

Anger sizzled in the glance she shot his way. "This is pointless. I'm going back to bed."

She walked away.

"I don't want a divorce," he called after her, hearing the desperation in his own voice. She froze, halfway across the deck, her body vibrating with visible tension. Del swallowed, a cold fear trembling along his nerves. "I never did."

While he watched her frozen body, the next seconds seemed more like a lifetime. Finally, she spun to face him, her face pale with fury. "You liar."

He shook his head and ran a hand along the outside of his thigh. "Why do you think I'm not fighting it?"

She stared at him a long moment before blinking and looking away. "Because you wanted out so badly you didn't care what the terms were."

"No." He stepped forward, reaching a hand in her direction. The tightrope sensation shivered through him again, ten times worse than he'd felt with Blake. "Because I thought you didn't want me any longer, that you saw me as nothing more than a mistake, the guy who screwed up your entire life. Was I wrong?" Her lashes dipped, hiding her tear-damp eyes from him. Del took another step forward, daring to touch her this time. He cupped her shoulders. "Was I?"

Eyes still closed, she nodded. "Yes," she said, her voice a broken whisper. "You were wrong."

A groan tore from his throat and he pulled her close, wrapping her in a tight embrace. He pressed his cheek against the softness of her hair, inhaling the sweet essence of her. The strong relief of holding her again overpowered him and a long moment passed before he realized she struggled against his arms. He let her go, her tense expression sending foreboding through him.

"Stop." Smoothing her hair, she stepped back. She wrapped her robe around her once more. "This doesn't change anything, don't you see?"

"What do you mean it doesn't change anything?" Confused, he stared at her. "We just agreed the divorce isn't what either of us wants. Everything has changed."

She was shaking her head, the fingers clutching her robe visibly trembling. "Has it? The last few months ... we've changed. We're not the same people we used to be."

Yeah, he'd changed. He'd realized what living without her was like. He knew what really mattered. "That doesn't mean--"

"I've changed," she said, as though he hadn't spoken. She straightened, drawing herself up, but still she held onto the robe like a lifeline. "I'm not the same woman, the same girl, you married. I don't want to be that person anymore. I like who I'm becoming now."

Hell, he knew she was different. He could see it, see the strength and the independence, the ways she'd grown. More than anything, he wanted to explore those new layers, to peel them away and find out who this new Barbara was.

She smiled, a sad, soft curve of her lips. "It's late. I'm going back to bed."

Turning away, she walked toward the door. Del watched her go, his chest tight. The sensation recalled the day of Will's funeral. After everything was over, he'd stood in the cemetery, separate from his family, knowing he was alone, adrift. He'd watched his father lead his mother to the car, swallowing the urge to run after them and beg for forgiveness.

He'd regretted it ever since.

He couldn't let Barbara walk away without giving it one more try. He crossed the deck, flattening his hand on the door as she curled her fingers around the doorknob. "Barb, wait."

Her head dropped forward, the line of her neck exposed and delicate. "Del, please."

The warmth of her nearness pulsed in him. He lowered his head, his mouth near her ear. "Just hear me out."

She shook her head, the silk of her hair brushing his mouth. "There isn't anything else to say. It's over."

"Only if we want it to be. Do you want that, baby? Do you want it to be over?"