CONTENTS
Chapter 1--THE BIRDS AND THE BEES: Tales from Puberty and the Age of Innocence
Chapter 2--SEX AFTER SIXTY...'ENSURED': Getting it On Over-the-Hill
Chapter 3--PAGES FROM THE FAMILY ALBUM: Those Memorable Moments You'd Rather Forget
Chapter 4--PETS WILL BE PETS: The Untamed Side of Animal Behavior
Chapter 5--PARTY OF ONE: When Masturbation Invites Disaster
Chapter 6--SCREWED BUT GOOD: The Big "Whoops" in Making Whoopie
Chapter 7--ONCE UPON A TRYST: When the Story Ends Unhappily Ever After
Chapter 8--GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN: The Price Nice Girls Pay for Being Naughty
Chapter 9--PROPS & FLOPS: Satisfaction (And Problems) Guaranteed
Chapter 10--FLIRTING WITH DISASTER: Dangerous Liasons and Other (near) Fatal Attractions
Foreplay
It was on a lazy afternoon, lost in easy conversation with a close and trusted friend, that I somehow found myself divulging some rather embarrassing sexual details -- traumatic things I had never, ever told anyone before! Greatly amused and inspired by my honesty, she in turn began confessing to some of her own. It was there on my living room floor, with both of us consumed in hysterical laughter (and admitted relief) that the idea for Sexual Bloopers was born!
Let's face it: Sex means more things to more people than probably any other human experience. Not surprisingly then, it manages to subject us to a fair amount of grief along with those moments of pleasure and glory. From the moment we first discover our genitals to the time we can no longer find them, we are either living in exhaustive pursuit of our sexual fantasies or lamenting the improbability of ever actually experiencing them. To make matters worse, we are continually bombarded by media hype deliberately and mercilessly aimed at our collective insecurities and vulnerable libidos. DEVELOP THE WORLD'S SEXIEST BODY! BECOME THE WORLD'S GREATEST LOVER! HAVE THE WORLD'S HOTTEST SEX! The message is that anything else is totally unacceptable and unspeakable!
Bookstores are chockful of stuff on sex, but consider the existing choices. Countless rows of romance novels packed with steamy and erotically charged scenarios tell us how our sex lives should be if only we lived in a fantasy world of bulging crotches and voluptuous bosoms all aching to be set free. Another aisle offers us an endless selection of visually enticing how-to manuals that glorify everything from ancient lovemaking potions and practices to every conceivable sexual position known to mankind. Each page explicitly depicts how over-the-top our sex lives could be if only we were all Gods and Goddesses amorous and adventurous enough to harness the awesome potential of our own sexuality.
Offered up in refreshing contrast to these unrealistic quest-driven venues, Sexual Bloopers relies solely on the liberating honesty of real-life confessions. Under this cover, readers of all ages and sexual persuasions will finally find a much more honest account of it all -- a blushing, uninhibited, and hilarious peek behind the scenes at what our sexual experiences are really like when we dare to tell the truth!
In the course of eliciting such highly personal anecdotes from others, what became immediately apparent was that truth-telling turned out to be as instantly disarming as it was contagious. Once people got over their initial and understandable reluctance to tell all, one confession led to another and another and another! Word of my project spread, and before long I was getting unsolicited calls and mail from people who knew people, each hoping I would include their blooper in the collection as well. Colorful and explicit, the confessions came from men and women, young and old, gay, straight, and every lifestyle in between. They divulged stories on everything from masturbation to experimental sex, first-times to fetishes, sex toys gone dead to seductions gone miserably wrong! Refreshingly candid and outrageously revealing, these anecdotes finally expose the naked truth about our less than perfect bodies often having less than rock-your-world sex! They are an open, honest, joyful admission of our many misconceptions, inadequacies and x-rated fiascos from even before the time we grow pubic hair until way past the time it begins to gray and thin out.
With everything from "educational" tapes to sidewalk sleaze promoting all the ways our sex lives can be better, hotter, and wilder, Sexual Bloopers finally offers the erotic-weary masses the relief we secretly crave and deserve. One confession after another reassures us that contrary to what all those writhing, throbbing media images would have us believe, it is not the ones with the longest penises or the largest breasts, but rather those of us endowed with a healthy sense of humor about it all, who really get to enjoy our sexuality the most.
I'm hopeful that Sexual Bloopers, in its liberating honesty, lets us all cum together in one great comic -- if not always orgasmic -- sigh of uninhibited release!
Copyright © 2003 by Michelle Horwitz
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Ever wish you could have yelled CUT! when the reality of the moment didn't quite live up to your wildest sexual expectations? Ever look back on that less-than-erotic experience and think, "Something like that could only have happened to me!"? Well, here's the book that'll prove you were wrong, because when it comes to sexual misadventures, you're definitely not alone!
