Debi Devlin, with a heart drawn over the "i", was so distraught she barely heard the minister's sermon. These days, being lonely and unpopular demanded practically all of her attention. She was wearing a black skirt, black tights, and the long black top that her best and only friend, Cyndi, had said was slimming. Beside her sat her parents. Debi turned away to whisper a prayer. God was one busy Guy, whereas Satan, more of a slacker, had more time to take requests. Substituting the words Dark Lord for Lord and Satan for God ought to send a message to his handlers. "Please, Dark Lord," Debi mumbled. "Get me a prom date." And not just any date, but Jordan Little, who she feared was about to ask Cyndi.
It would be so great, just once, to make Cyndi jealous.
"Please, Satan," Debi whispered. "I am way desperate."
Not a damn thing happened then, but the next day, after school, Satan and his mother moved next door.
Debi recognized him the second the moving van disappeared inside a cloud of smoke. He was younger than she had expected, wearing snug red leather pants; his hat stayed perched atop his head like it was held up by horns. Satan was a bit of a chunk, and his hair was all wrong, but otherwise kind of cute.
When Debi's parents came home from work, they insisted she take over a basket of delicious apples to the new neighbors. "Make sure you invite them to church," said Debi's dad.
Feigning reluctance, Debi agreed to go.
"One thing," said Debi's mother, habitually clueless. She straightened Debi's shirt, reminded her not to slouch. "You look thinner when you stand straight," she said.
"Gee, thanks, Mom," said Debi. "Like I needed to know that."
The neighbor's house was kind of weird, cardinal red with a creepy cast iron fence, and stone gargoyles guarding the porch.
Satan's mother answered the door. She was a wiry wrinkled thing in a gray flowered housecoat that was fastened by shiny pearl snaps. Coarse black hair sprouted from her chin. "Those for me?" she said, eyeing the apples.
Debi said, "Sure."
Mother Satan pinched Debi by the shoulder and guided her into the hallway. "Wait here," she said in her steel wool voice. "I'll get my son."
)
