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eBook Category: Fantasy
eBook Description: Olivia accepts a position with Buzz Raptor's Exotic Pet Agency when she loses her job as a bouncer and realizes that her acting career is going nowhere. Fortunately, it's only a temp job, and it turns out that acting isn't all dog eat dog, especially when parrots are involved. Unfortunately, the dog suit scratches and the biscuit treats soon lose their crunch.

eBook Publisher: Fictionwise.com, Published: Asimov's, 1998
Fictionwise Release Date: March 2002

19 Reader Ratings: Great Good OK Poor

Available eBook Formats [MultiFormat - What's this?]: Adobe Acrobat (PDF) [55 KB], eReader (PDB) [25 KB], Palm Doc (PDB) [11 KB], Rocket/REB1100 (RB) [11 KB], Microsoft Reader (LIT) [63 KB] - PocketPC 1.0+ Compatible, Franklin eBookMan (FUB) [82 KB], hiebook (KML) [55 KB], Sony Reader (LRF) [37 KB], iSilo (PDB) [9 KB], Mobipocket (PRC) [12 KB], Kindle Compatible (MOBI) [40 KB], OEBFF Format (IMP) [19 KB]
Words: 3309
Reading time: 9-13 min.
Microsoft Reader (LIT) Format: Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud ENABLED
Adobe Acrobat (PDF) Format:  Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud DISABLED
All Other formats: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED

"...another of her delightfully oddball stories."--Richard Parks, Tangent Online (Learn more about Tangent Online, the Internet's leading SF&F short fiction review website)

"Down on all fours!" shouted Buzz, the owner of Buzz Raptor's Exotic Pet Agency. He was portly and bald, inelegantly dressed in pleated pants and a red bowling shirt, with his name in yellow thread embroidered on the pocket. "Let me hear you say 'woof'." Buzz climbed atop his desk to give Olivia a demonstration howl.

Olivia dropped to the ground. "Woof," she barked. This had to be the weirdest employment interview of her life. But being shy, depressed, and huge enough to be scary had so many times hindered her ability to find acting jobs, so the least she could do was be cooperative.

"You must work out," said Buzz appreciatively.

Olivia nodded. At the moment she was muscular and very strong, having toned down to a comfortable weight of two hundred twenty pounds. She rather liked herself this way. Her hair was dyed black and she wore a studded leather vest and pants, accessorized with a silver chain choker. She looked tough. Working as a temporary pet would be a step down from her last position as a bouncer at Larry's Leather, but she needed money. She barked several times, as if Buzz didn't already know that she was desperate.

Behind Buzz's desk was a wall of shelves. Most of the space in the small office was taken up by a wire-fence kennel. Inside the kennel, a scrawny woman in a white fur bodysuit ran furiously around a giant hamster wheel. The hamster woman paused every now and again to check her weight on an electronic scale before hopping back on the wheel. Not a bad job for an anorexic. Olivia waved to her, though the hamster woman seemed oblivious to anything but her wheel and her burlap sack of sunflower seeds.

"So, snarl, already!" said Buzz. "And put some lip into it."

Olivia showed off her best snarl and took what she hoped was a threatening step forward.

"My gawd!" said Buzz, thumping his hand against his chest. "You give me shivers. You're that good, girl!" he said. "You ever been on Broadway?"