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The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said [Secure eReader (recommended)/Mobipocket/Microsoft Reader]
eBook by Robert Byrne
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eBook Category: Reference
eBook Description:  Drawing from diverse personages--Goethe to Churchill to Woody Allen--Robert Byrne has mined a collection of wit and wisdom that deserves a special place on every humor lover's bookshelf. These unique, witty, and outrageous quotations, previously published in four separate volumes, are now gathered together in a seemingly limitless trove of pithy and often irreverent one-liners, retorts, put-downs, jokes, and last words that cover every conceivable subject and will appeal to every taste. Highlights include: "Start every day with a smile and get it over with.."--W. C. Fields. "Men read maps better than women because only men understand that an inch can equal a hundred miles."--Roseanne Barr. "Happiness is having a large loving family in another city."--George Burns
eBook Publisher: Simon & Schuster, Inc./Fireside Books
Fictionwise Release Date: February 2005
Available eBook Formats [Secure eReader (recommended)/Mobipocket/Microsoft Reader - What's this?]: SECURE MOBIPOCKET FORMAT [2.7 MB], SECURE MICROSOFT READER FORMAT [3.5 MB] - Requires Microsoft Reader 2.1.1 for PCs, or Microsoft Reader 2.2.2 on Pocket PC 2002 handheld devices. Some older Pocket PCs can be upgraded. Learn More., SECURE EREADER (RECOMMENDED) FORMAT [2.2 MB]
All formats: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED
MobiPocket Reader ISBN: 0743277554
Microsoft Reader ISBN, eReader (recommended) ISBN: 9780743277556
 
The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said 1 Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. —P. G. Wodehouse (1881–1975) 2 How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? —Woody Allen 3 If I had been present at creation, I would have given some useful hints. —Alfonso the Wise (1221–1284) 4 The gods play games with men as balls. —Titus Maccius Plautus (254?–184 B.C.) 5 He was a wise man who invented God. —Plato (427?–348? B.C.) 6 Plato is a bore. —Friedrich Nietzsche (1844–1900) 7 It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. —Peter De Vries 8 Man is a god in ruins. —Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882) 9 God has always been hard on the poor. —Jean Paul Marat (1743–1793) 10 Man is certainly stark mad. He cannot make a worm, and yet he will be making gods by dozens. —Montaigne (1553–1592) 11 The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle. Unless you die of something. —Guindon cartoon caption 12 If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said "No." —Margaret "Stevie" Smith (1902–1971) 13 Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation, or creed. —Bertrand Russell (1872–1970) 14 Religions change; beer and wine remain. —Hervey Allen (1889–1949) 15 The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. —Unknown 16 In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. —Francesco Caracciolo (1752–1799) 17 Living with a saint is more grueling than being one. —Robert Neville 18 He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic. —Kingsley Amis 19 Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink. —Unknown 20 Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. —Mark Twain (1835–1910) 21 The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around. —Herb Caen 22 I'm astounded by people who want to "know" the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. —Woody Allen 23 It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. —James Thurber (1894–1961) 24 It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis. —Margaret Bonnano 25 I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. —Charles Schulz (1922–2000) 26 I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. —Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884–1980) 27 I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building. —Charles Schulz (1922–2000) 28 Life is like an overlong drama through which we sit being nagged by the vague memories of having read the reviews. —John Updike 29 There is more to life than increasing its speed. —Mahatma Gandhi (1869–1948) 30 Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on. —Samuel Butler (1835–1902) 31 Life is what happens while you are making other plans. —John Lennon (1940–1980) Copyright © 1986 by Robert Byrne
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