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eBook Category: Mystery/Crime
eBook Description: When perennial screw-up, Nicky Sarkowski, proprietor of a ptomaine-producing restaurant, receives a bad review, business goes down the tubes. Nicky's solution: to kill the reviewer and write his own 5-star review. But will this lifelong screw-up manage to pull it off

eBook Publisher: Fictionwise.com, Published: Criminal Appetites, 2004
Fictionwise Release Date: June 2005

5 Reader Ratings: Great Good OK Poor

Available eBook Formats [MultiFormat - What's this?]: Adobe Acrobat (PDF) [187 KB], eReader (PDB) [29 KB], Palm Doc (PDB) [15 KB], Rocket/REB1100 (RB) [14 KB], Microsoft Reader (LIT) [76 KB] - PocketPC 1.0+ Compatible, Franklin eBookMan (FUB) [86 KB], hiebook (KML) [91 KB], Sony Reader (LRF) [42 KB], iSilo (PDB) [12 KB], Mobipocket (PRC) [16 KB], Kindle Compatible (MOBI) [44 KB], OEBFF Format (IMP) [24 KB]
Words: 4594
Reading time: 13-18 min.
Microsoft Reader (LIT) Format: Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud ENABLED
Adobe Acrobat (PDF) Format:  Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud DISABLED
All Other formats: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED

Nicky Sarkowski often thought his mother must have slipped on a banana peel on her way to the hospital to deliver him--since his luck wasn't just bad, it was a joke. Deals not only didn't work out for Nicky, they crashed and burned without a shred of dignity.

Like that time he decided to cash in on the Beanie Baby craze and hired some ditzy broad to make knock-offs for him. Naturally, with Nicky's luck, she neglected to mention she didn't own a sewing machine. But still, wouldn't you think the hand-stitched, indistinguishable little lumps would appeal to someone?

Even worse, disasters in Nick's life always came with a one-two punch. Never in three's, like celebrity deaths. And not individually, as isolated bumps on an otherwise even road. But always in two's, like unsynchronized blasts from a double-barrel shotgun. Nicky had spent his entire life waiting for the other shoe to drop--and lately he never had to wait long.

The phone on the restaurant's front desk rang. As Nicky reached for it, he noticed a smear of egg on the soft gold tie he'd bought to smarten up his seedy taupe suit. While reaching for the phone, he picked at the egg with his fingernail. Only he'd forgotten a ballpoint pen had left a glop of ink there earlier this morning. Now his tie not only sported the remnants of his breakfast, but a sticky black stain. See, a one-two punch.

Nicky finally grabbed the relentlessly ringing phone. "Chez Nicholas," he said in an accent that fell somewhere between bad French and fractured Italian. "How may I help you?"

"You can start by remembering to pay me my dough," a cocky voice answered.