I AM A FREE MAN

My name is Mila, and this is my journey.

There are so many places where I could begin the story. I could start in the town where I grew up, in Kryvicy, on the banks of the Servac River, in the district of Miadziel. I could begin when I was eight years old, on the day my mother died, or when I was twelve, and my father fell beneath the wheels of the neighbor's truck. But I think I should begin my story here, in the Mexican desert, so far from my home in Belarus. This is where I lost my innocence. This is where my dreams died.

It is a November day without clouds, and large black birds soar in a sky that is bluer than I have ever seen. I am sitting in a white van driven by two men who do not know my real name, nor do they seem to care. They just laugh and call me Red Sonja, the name they have used since they saw me step off the plane in Mexico City. Anja says it's because of my hair. Red Sonja is the name of a movie which I have never seen, but Anja has seen it. She whispers to me that it's about a beautiful warrior woman who cuts down her enemies with a sword. Now I think the men are mocking me with this name because I am not beautiful; I am not a warrior. I am only seventeen, and I am scared because I do not know what happens next.

We are holding hands, Anja and me, as the van carries us, and five other girls, through a barren land of desert and scrub brush. The "Mexican Package Tour" is what the woman in Minsk promised us, but we knew what it really meant: an escape. A chance. You take a plane to Mexico City, she told us, and there will be people to meet you at the airport, to help you across the border to a new life. "What good is your life here?" she told us. "There are no good jobs for girls, no apartments, no decent men. You have no parents to support you. And you, Mila—you speak English so well," she told me. "In America, you will fit in, just like that." She snapped her fingers. "Be brave! Take a chance. The employers will pay your way, so what are you both waiting for?"

Not for this, I think, as endless desert rolls past our windows. As Anja huddles close against me, all the girls on the van are quiet. We are all beginning to wonder the same thing. What have I done?

All morning, we have been driving. The two men in the front say nothing to us, but the man on the passenger side keeps turning to give us looks. His eyes always seek out Anja, and I do not like the way he stares at her. She doesn't notice it because she is dozing against my shoulder. The mouse, we always called her in school, because she is so shy. One glance from a boy will make her blush. We are the same age, but when I look at Anja's sleeping face, I see a child. And I think: I should not have let her come with me. I should have told her to stay in Kryvicy.

At last our van leaves the highway and bumps onto a dirt road. The other girls stir awake and stare out the windows at brown hills, where boulders lie scattered like old bones. In my home-town, the first snow has already fallen, but here, in this winterless land, there is only dust and blue sky and parched shrubs. We roll to a stop, and the two men look back at us.

The driver says in Russian: "It's time to get out and walk. It's the only way across the border."

They slide open the door and we climb out one by one, seven girls, blinking and stretching after the long ride. Despite the brilliant sunshine, it is chilly here, far cooler than I expected. Anja slips her hand into mine, and she is shivering.

"This way," the driver orders, and he leads us off the dirt road, onto a trail that takes us up into the hills. We climb past boulders and thorny bushes that claw at our legs. Anja wears open-toed shoes and she has to pause often, to shake out the sharp stones. We are all thirsty, but the men allow us to stop only once to drink water. Then we keep moving, scrambling up the gravelly path like ungainly goats. We reach the crest and start sliding downward, toward a clump of trees. Only when we reach the bottom do we see there is a dry riverbed. Scattered on the bank are the discards of those who have crossed before us: plastic water bottles and a soiled diaper and an old shoe, the vinyl cracked from the sunlight. A remnant of blue tarp flutters from a branch. This way have so many dreamers come, and we are seven more, following in their footsteps to America. Suddenly my fears evaporate, because here, in this debris, is the evidence we are close.

The men wave us forward, and we start climbing up the opposite bank.

Anja tugs on my hand. "Mila, I can't walk anymore," she whispers.

"You have to."

"But my foot is bleeding."

I look down at her bruised toes, at the blood oozing from tender skin, and I call out to the men: "My friend has cut her foot!"

The driver says, "I don't care. Keep walking."

"We can't go on. She needs a bandage."

"Either you keep walking or we'll just leave you two behind."

"At least give her time to change her shoes!"

The man turns. In that instant, he has transformed. The look on his face makes Anja shrink backward. The other girls stand frozen and wide-eyed, like scared sheep huddling together as he stalks toward me.

Copyright © 2005 by Tess Gerritsen