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DSI: Date Scene Investigation [Secure eReader (recommended)/Mobipocket/Microsoft Reader/Adobe Reader 7]
eBook by Ian Kerner, Ph. D.
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eBook Category: Family/Relationships/Self Improvement
eBook Description: Warning: Names have been changed to protect the brokenhearted. Someone you know is stuck in a dead-end relationship. Perhaps that someone is you. Have you been read your rights? In this hilarious and helpful handbook, best-selling author Ian Kerner introduces us to the DSI team, a top-secret unit within the FBI (that's the Federal Bureau of Intimacy) whose sole mission is to investigate dating dilemmas and equip you with the skills you need so you're never again a dating victim. Through humorous and engaging case studies, you'll read about boyfriends who might be gay, gamers who won't step up to the plate, and wimps who won't go down for the count. You'll meet Dating DUPEs (Desperately Under Pressure to Evaluate) and their antagonistic ARSEs (Anti-Relationship Suspect Examinees). You'll gain unprecedented access to previously classified relationship rap sheets: detailed reports that reveal interpersonal infractions, mating misdemeanors, and flirtatious felonies. You'll boldly go where no civilian has gone before as we apply the latest forensic tools to decipher complex dating data: From testing for SPARK (Sexual Potential and Romantic Kinship), to consulting with undercover agents in the MBU (Missing Boyfriends Unit), Kerner ventures above the law and beneath the covers. You have the right NOT to remain silent!
eBook Publisher: Harper Collins, Inc./PerfectBound
Fictionwise Release Date: May 2006
Available eBook Formats [Secure eReader (recommended)/Mobipocket/Microsoft Reader/Adobe Reader 7 - What's this?]: SECURE MOBIPOCKET FORMAT (325 KB], SECURE MICROSOFT READER FORMAT (586 KB] - Requires Microsoft Reader 2.1.1 for PCs, or Microsoft Reader 2.2.2 on Pocket PC 2002 handheld devices. Some older Pocket PCs can be upgraded. Learn More., SECURE EREADER (RECOMMENDED) FORMAT (301 KB], SECURE ADOBE READER 7 FORMAT (1.3 MB], OEBFF Format (IMP) [501 KB]
Secure Adobe Reader 7: Printing enabled, Read-aloud enabled Other formats: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED
Adobe Acrobat Reader ISBN: 0061171719 Microsoft Reader ISBN: 0061171697 eReader (recommended) ISBN: 0061171689 MobiPocket Reader ISBN: 9780061171703

ONE: SHOULD HE STAY OR SHOULD HE GO? THE CASE OF THE CAD WHO COULDN'T COMMIT THE DSI 911 At 11:22 P.M. on March 6, 2005, DSI received a frantic call from Dating DUPE (Desperately Under Pressure to Evaluate) Ms. Amelia Jacobs, who'd been dating her boyfriend for fourteen months. Things were going very well, and the relationship appeared to be heading in a positive direction. She believed it was moving toward the "next phase," and the ARSE (Anti-Relationship Suspect Examinee) gave clear indications that he was of a like mind and heart. Then, without warning, he began pulling away. Boundaries were imposed on the amount of time they should spend together. Other social and work obligations were introduced that precluded Friday night pizza and a movie. To cap it off, the suspect began reciting all of his faults and shortcomings, as if he were offering up ammunition to seal the deal with his own bullet. At her wit's end, the woman called DSI with the age-old question: was it time to cut bait? The DUPE felt that her boyfriend was acting in ways that were commitment-phobic, and she wanted to know if this situation could be saved. PRELIMINARY DIAGNOSIS Our preliminary diagnosis of the ARSE suggests he suffers from a Fear of Commitment Compounded by Underlying Pressures (aka FOCCed UP). FOCCed UP is one of the most common forms of commitment phobias (others include "I'm Just Not Ready Syndrome" and "The It's Not You, It's Me Complex"). Its onset often comes as a surprise, since most suspects will hide their reservations until their fears become overwhelming and then make a run for it. The causes of this phobia are many and varied, though, as is usually the case, it tends to take root in childhood, precipitated by a loss or trauma, such as parental separation, divorce, or bereavement. In some cases, a child who witnesses unhappily married parents or abusive interactions will grow up reluctant to form intimate relationships. To avoid the pain of possible rejection or loss, such persons will distance themselves, in an effort to remain in control. PARALLEL CASE ANECDOTALS A sampling of testimony from other recent DSI investigations reveals the following: "Monica was a lovely woman, and I really think that, had things been different, I might have asked her to marry me. But I was just at a different place in my life, and I wasn't ready to make the sacrifices that such a commitment required. I'm sure in the end it will turn out to be a stupid choice, but it was an honest one." —Paul, 32 "I realize that I'm very set in my ways and hard to please. And I'm trying to become more flexible, but I don't feel that I should compromise what is really important to me to make a relationship work. Things with Jane were great, but they were never at a level where I felt that she was the one, so I saw no reason for the relationship to continue." —Mike, 35 "I was really surprised by the depth and intensity of the feelings that Jim expressed when I broke up with him. It was like a dam opened, and all of these emotions he'd walled off suddenly flooded out. It was sweet and lovely to learn that he cared so deeply for me, but it was too late. By the time he was able to communicate, I had already moved on." —Margaret, 28 "Todd and I dated for three years, but throughout that time, we were really only together for two years. It seemed like we broke up for a month every six months, mostly because I grew tired of how passive he was. But then I'd dump him and he'd make such a strong effort to win me back, and I believed that each time was going to be for real. There was a certain intensity to the pattern, even though I knew it wasn't healthy. Eventually I had to break things off for good, no turning back." —Summer, 33 Copyright © 2006 by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
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