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Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage [Secure eReader (recommended)/Mobipocket/Microsoft Reader/Adobe Reader 7]
eBook by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. & Julie Schwartz Gottman & Joan Declaire
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eBook Category: Family/Relationships/Family/Relationships
eBook Description:  In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washingto-- made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict--with more than 90 percent accuracy--whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love Lab research facility, have put these ideas into practice. In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans share this vital information so that couples can develop the skills to turn their relationship problems around and create strong, lasting unions. What emerged from the Gottmans' collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that's based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems--extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy--and examine what they've done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track. Giving an insider's view of the Love Lab, the Gottmans take the reader step-by-step through the couples' conversations, before and after they are counseled. The authors also provide an analysis of the couples' interactions, identifying their core problems and offering suggestions for resolving them. By "listening" to the discussions in this way, you will learn to detect the most common stumbling blocks of a relationship and--most important--how to avoid them. Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans' work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that's headed for disaster, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage is essential reading.
eBook Publisher: Crown Publishing Group/Crown Publishing Group
Fictionwise Release Date: May 2006
Available eBook Formats [Secure eReader (recommended)/Mobipocket/Microsoft Reader/Adobe Reader 7 - What's this?]: SECURE MOBIPOCKET FORMAT (3.6 MB], SECURE MICROSOFT READER FORMAT (5.3 MB] - Requires Microsoft Reader 2.1.1 for PCs, or Microsoft Reader 2.2.2 on Pocket PC 2002 handheld devices. Some older Pocket PCs can be upgraded. Learn More., SECURE EREADER (RECOMMENDED) FORMAT (2.7 MB], SECURE ADOBE READER 7 FORMAT (976 KB], OEBFF Format (IMP) [3.6 MB]
Secure Adobe Reader 7: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED
Other formats: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED
Microsoft Reader ISBN, Adobe Acrobat Reader ISBN, MobiPocket Reader ISBN: 9780307347114
eReader (recommended) ISBN: 0307347117
 
CHAPTER 1 "All You Ever Do Is Work" Sam remembers that falling in love with Katie was easy. The newest member of his coed softball team, she was "attractive, intelligent, and fun." Holding on to her was harder. Soon after their first date, Katie left for a two-year Peace Corps job in Paraguay. Sam kept the courtship alive by sending Katie passionate letters. He would join her in South America at the end of her stint, he promised, and they would spend several weeks touring exotic destinations together. Katie consented. "He was nice, fun, and witty," she recalls. And traveling with a man would feel safer than traveling alone. "But I thought he was crazy for writing those letters. We didn't even know each other!" Ten years of marriage and three kids have certainly changed that. In Love Lab interviews and questionnaires, Katie and Sam reveal that they understand each other quite well. They also see eye to eye when it comes to tricky issues around parenting and finances. But the Minneapolis couple has some serious challenges, too. During our initial meeting, Katie complains that Sam works far too much. She says he puts in so many hours at his job as a scientist for a small biotech firm that he often has no energy left for the family. "Sam can be a great dad," Katie says. But when he takes time off, he's often too preoccupied and tired to play with their kids, aged six years, four years, and eighteen months, she explains. Katie works part-time as a biochemist herself, so she understands how compelling Sam's work can be. But she feels strongly that, for the sake of their marriage, Sam needs to strike a better balance between work and family. Katie also wants more of Sam's attention herself. After they put the kids to bed, he often disappears into his basement office until the wee hours, she complains. She'd like him to come to bed with her and cuddle. Whatever happened to the guy who wrote those passionate love letters, she wonders. Why can't he understand that she'd still like to see his romantic side?
What's the Problem? • Katie's complaints about Sam's work slip into criticism. • Sam defends himself and launches a counterattack. • Katie gets defensive, angry, and more critical. • Cycle of criticize/defend/ countercriticize continues. • Sam withdraws. • Katie feels alone and frustrated. What's the Solution? • Learn to complain without criticizing. • Hear the longing in each other's complaints. • Express appreciation for each other. Meanwhile, Sam's got his own complaints. Katie doesn't seem to appreciate how hard he works for the family's benefit. He feels that all he gets from her are criticism and demands. She should understand that when he's grappling with a difficult problem at work, it's hard for him to just "turn his brain off" and focus on the family, he explains. If he's going to relax, he needs more "down time," more solitude. Katie's requests for attention just make him want to withdraw. Copyright © 2006 by John M. Gottman, Ph.D., and Joan DeClaire.
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