Have you ever had a sense of presque vu, the feeling that a familiar place or situation isn't quite what it seems? The dream started like that.
My company integrates websites. We buy web servers, database management systems, e-commerce packages, and add customer-specific content. I'm not getting rich, but it's a living.
I was in my office--but it wasn't my office. My metal desk had been replaced by an expanse of mahogany; my plain carpet by a hand-knotted Persian over pegged oak planking; my souvenir trade-show posters by framed oils. The room dwarfed my real office. Across the table, a frowning presque vu customer leafed through paperwork, scribbling on a legal pad.
"Is there a problem, Mr. Gray?"
"How did the total get so high? It was only an upgrade to my DBMS."
Leather creaked as I leaned back in my chair. "Only? It's a complicated process, I assure you." Before he could formulate a response, I added, "I'm sure we discussed this."
Gray squirmed in his (cloth-covered) seat. "You mentioned the upgrade itself and an installation fee. Now these other charges appear."
"I'm sure we discussed it," I repeated soothingly. "These are all customary items."
He fidgeted with the handle of his briefcase. The ID tag held a business card for "Gray & Associates." He opened his mouth, then thought better of it.
We reviewed page after verbose page, mostly boilerplate. He questioned the need for most of it, and the associated charges; I responded glibly, in the most unctuous and condescending of voices. It was poor sport: my dream self had parried such queries many times before.
"Yes, an upgrade is $200, per line 1022 of the Software Installation Reconciliation Form. Naturally, we also have the documentation fee of $150 and notary fees of $50." Of course, I couldn't do the work without completing the necessary papers, there was no benefit to notarizing them, and my receptionist was a notary. "You'll want a copy of the papers, hence the xerography charge." At a dollar a page.
More closely resembling his name with each passing second, Gray rallied to ask, "And these 'Items Payable In Connection With Transaction?'"
"Those are charges from SoftSell, the distributor providing the upgrade."
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Maybe the moo-shu pork was in the back of the refrigerator for too long? Or maybe it is every programmer's just revenge. You decide.
