Chapter One
"What's the matter, Lisa?" I asked, although I suspected I already knew. Lisa was the daughter of Nancy Louden, one of the dysfunctional alcoholics of the Alta Vista Trailer Park outside Santa Maria. That's right, trailer park. To call it a mobile home park would elevate this run-down collection of single- and double-wides far beyond its station.
Nancy had moved into the California park five years ago, right after her divorce. Lisa had been thirteen then. I had watched her grow up quickly. She often had to act like the adult around her drunken mother.
"Nuthin'," she said, looking at the ground.
"Lisa, how long have you known me?"
She glanced up. She was a thin but pretty girl, with long light brown hair and green eyes that seemed to burn with an unmet hunger. She hardly wore any makeup, probably because she couldn't afford it. She didn't appear to eat enough and I had always felt sorry for her, as I imagined her mother drank up a good deal of the food money.
Today Lisa had on a light blue sundress that didn't hide much from the imagination. I could see the outline of her bra and panties easily. I fully admit I tended to lust after her from afar, but never did anything untoward because my fear of the consequences outweighed any impure thoughts I might have. I tried not to show any of my dark feelings and it seemed to work. To her, I was a perfect gentleman, a misapprehension I encouraged.
"I dunno. Four or five years, I guess."
"That's right. And I hope you've learned that you can always talk to me." Yes, that's right--I had tried to act as the father figure in her life, the better to be around her more often.
She nodded. "Yeah. I guess."
"Good. So if I can help, you let me know, okay?"
Lisa nodded, more slowly this time. I gave her time to decide if she wanted to talk. We were sitting in the shade alongside my Airstream trailer at an old wooden picnic table. Lisa was a frequent visitor--I imagined it was an escape from the pressures of living with a drunk.
"I don't think anyone can help us, Jake." She looked away and I thought I saw a tear leak from one eye. When she angrily brushed it away, I was sure of it.
"Would you like another Coke?"
She nodded. I fetched a Coke for her and another bottle of water for me.
I used to be an alcoholic myself, not so long ago, so I knew what Lisa was going through. Like her mother, I had lost nearly everything to my addiction. I had once been a reasonably successful writer, but I hadn't published anything in years. Instead, I lived off the dwindling royalties from previous sales. Beverly had moved to another city and the judge took away my rights to see my two sons. It wasn't until after the hearing that I finally woke up and began to get my life in order. Recently, I had started a new book but found it slow going.
Lisa had known me as another drunk when she and her mom had arrived, renting the old Stevens' trailer after the old man had gone into the nursing home. I'd been here a year already--a year lost in a haze of drink and regret. I had gotten drunk with Nancy several times and I think we had fucked once or twice, although it was hard to remember those days. Her mother wasn't particularly attractive--she probably had once looked as pretty as Lisa, but age and booze had caused her body to spread and her face to coarsen.
When I lost my kids, I hit bottom and finally began to find a way back. I joined AA and struggled to redeem myself so I could have a relationship with my sons one day. I'm still working on it. I knew Lisa liked that about me--she had seen me as a drunk and now saw me sober and perhaps I gave her hope that her mother would turn her own life around.
And I'm sure she liked to come over because there wasn't the smell of cheap booze in the air.
I handed her the soda and cracked the bottle on the water and took a long sip.
"Jake," she said.
"Yeah?"
"What made you stop drinking?"
I paused and pursed my lips. "It was just something I decided I had to do. Not for anyone else, but for myself. I wanted to see my kids again and I knew I couldn't do it as a drunk."
"I sometimes wonder how mom can keep me," she said.
"I'll bet it's hard sometimes. Do you hear from your dad much?"
Lisa shook her head, just once. "No." More tears were brushed away. She blinked and looked down the street toward her trailer.
"That's tough. Have you tried to contact him? Tell him what you're up to? I'm sure he'd like to know."
Again, another shake. "He's too busy with his new wife and kid."
"Oh," I said, nodding. "I'm sorry, Lisa. I'm surprised he wouldn't want to see you."
"I called him about a year ago. Mom and I were having a tough time. He told me I reminded him of 'that drunken bitch.' Can you imagine? I can't help it if I look like her. He just flat out tossed me aside." More tears came.
I fished a travel package of tissues out of my pocket and handed it over. She yanked one free and snuffled into it. "I would never do that to my sons. They're growing up fast. Only the shoe's on the other foot, you see. They're teenagers now and don't want to see me."
I sighed and shook my head.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I guess I remind them of the 'drunken bum' that I used to be or something. But I remain hopeful that they'll want to get reacquainted again someday."
"I'm happy you quit drinking. I mean, you seem like a nice guy. I like coming down here and talking. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have someone here who didn't drink."
I nodded. The trailer park was full of drunks, half-drunks and weekend binge drinkers. I represented an island of calm amid that turmoil. But, as I said, I'm no saint. I liked watching her develop into a pretty young woman and I had visions of having very naughty sex with her when she was of age, although I knew she didn't think of me in that way. Not yet, anyway.
"Well, you'll be eighteen soon, then you can move out and do what you want."
"Yeah. I guess. Although I don't know how I'll be able to afford that."
"How about college? Have you thought about it?"
She snorted. "Me? Go to college? Jake, I'm just poor white trash like my momma and I won't amount to much."
"That's not true. For one thing, I've never seen you drink."
"Ha! Like I would with my mom as an example of how I'd end up."
"True. But it doesn't always work that way. Often the children of drunks become drunks themselves."
"Yeah, I suppose that's true in this park, anyway."
"You can get scholarships, go away to a college and put this life behind you."
"I don't think my grades are good enough."
"There are always colleges that will accept you. California has a great state college system. You can always go to community college for a couple years."
She shook her head. "I'll think about it. But I have to find a job right away. A good one."
I knew Nancy worked just part-time at a laundromat and it was a wonder she managed to hold onto it. Money must be really tight for them. I began to suspect what was bothering her so much.
"But school's not out for two more months. How can you work and go to school too?" Not to mention that Nancy didn't own a car, so getting to a job could be a problem. I doubted Lisa had managed to obtain her driver's license.
"I dunno. I may have to drop out."
"Ohh, Lisa. I would hate to see you have to do that. You're so close."
She shrugged and blinked back more tears.
"Come on, Lisa. You can talk to me. What's brought on all this 'doom and gloom' talk?"
Lisa seemed to wrestle with her embarrassment for a few seconds. Telling me would be like admitting her family was a failure, I supposed. I waited quietly.
"We're gonna be evicted," she said, her voice a whisper.
I nodded and took another sip of my water. This was not unexpected news, from what I had seen of her mother. "How much do you owe?"
"Two months' worth. Charlie said we had to make good by next week, or we're out of here." She couldn't stop the tears now and she sobbed into the damp handkerchief.
"I thought your mom worked."
She looked up at me, her red eyes angry. "She drinks up all the money!"
"So you feel you have to step in and save her."
"Not just her. Me too. I don't have another place to live."
"So this job--got anything in mind?"
She shrugged. "I dunno. Work at McDonald's or somethin'. Pay is crap but I know they're always hiring."
An idea flowered in the back of my mind and even as I thought of it, I both ashamed and aroused. But one was winning out over the other. I wrestled with my conscience for a few minutes, then said:
"You know, a pretty girl like you could model or something, make some better money." I had a vision of her in a bikini, modeling for my friend Sam Daniels, a photographer.
She laughed. "Yeah? Who would want a skinny girl like me?"
"Hell, you could put on a couple pounds easily, if you wanted to. Besides, aren't all those supermodels skinny?"
"Oh, yeah, right. I'd be right up there with the supermodels, sure."
"Don't be so quick to give up. Let's look at this logically. How much do you owe, if I may ask?"
Lisa studied the top of the table. "Uh. Five hundred fifty."
"All right. And you need that by next week? Hmm." I knew the park manager--Charlie would prefer to keep the Loudens rather than try to rent out that old, run-down trailer to someone else. He'd know it'd be vacant for months if he followed through on his threat. But Lisa didn't know that.
"Maybe if you had some of that, Charlie would give you a bit more time. So say, just for the sake of argument, you needed two fifty by next week, if you could promise to pay the rest when the new rent's due. So you'd need five-seventy-five by May first, right?"
Lisa nodded. "We can never get caught up. Even if I got a job, I'd probably only make about two-three hundred by then."
"Unless you got a modeling job, like I was telling you. Did you know those models made hundreds of dollars in one day?"
"Really?"
"Oh yeah."
"Where would I find something like that?"
"Oh, I know a friend--a photographer."
"You think he'd want to photograph me?" She seemed doubtful.
"Maybe. He does catalog photos all the time," I said. That wasn't exactly true. Sam did a lot of nude and semi-nude photos. He'd love to get his hands on sweet little Lisa. So would I.
"Do you think I could make enough, you know, to pay Charlie?"
"I think so--depends on what he sees in you. But they do have restrictions on age," I said. "When will you be eighteen?"
She pouted. "May sixth."
"Shoot." I stared off into the distance, thinking. "It's kind of a Catch-22, isn't it? Sam--that's my friend--would want to do some test shots before he could say if he could use you, but he can't do them until you're eighteen."
"Shit," she said. "I'll never raise that kind of money in a month."
"Tell you what," I said. "We're just talking about a month here, right? That's not much at all. Maybe I could take some shots of you. I'm kind of an amateur, but I know how to use a camera. And I could tell him you're eighteen and that you'd like to model. See if he's interested. If he is, I could maybe advance you a couple hundred, you know, to keep Charlie off your back."
"Really?" Her face held hope for the first time.
"Yeah."
"But what about May first, when we owe more money?"
"Well, let's cross the bridge when we come to it." I paused meaningfully. "But, Lisa, you'd have to pay me back as soon as you modeled, understand?"
"You really think I can earn good money modeling? I mean, enough to pay you back and all?"
I looked her right in the eye. "For the kind of money you need, you'd have to agree to model some lingerie or something like that."
Her mouth came open and she stared at me. I could see the wheels turning in her head. "Lingerie? You mean, like almost naked?"
"Yes. I'm not going to lie to you about it."
"I don't know about that."
"I know. It's an impossible situation. It's not right that your mom put you in this position."
She nodded absently. "But those photos--I mean if I posed--I'd only be seventeen in them. Wouldn't that be illegal?"
"Oh no. I'm not talking about anything like that while you're still seventeen. I'm just talking about afterward. We need some photos--fully dressed, of course--that I can show to the photographer to find out if he thinks you'd be a good model."
Lisa sat quietly for a moment. She stood abruptly. "Thanks for the Coke. I have to think about it."
"Of course." I paused. "But I wouldn't share this with your mom yet."
"Why not?"
"Two reasons: One, she probably would object and this is just about your last chance to keep from being evicted and two, she might see this extra income as a way to buy more booze." There was a third reason, of course--I didn't want the wrath of Nancy Louden coming down on my ass.
She nodded. "I understand."
I watched her cute bottom sway in the sundress as she walked away and wondered how she would look naked.
Oh, yes, I thought, I'm a very bad man.
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