I feel like shouting, "Help! I'm being held prisoner in a torture chamber!" But who am I kidding? I need to be here, working out with all the other fatties.
I step up the pace on the exercycle as I see the manager approaching.
"Hi," she says. "My name's Connie Edwards. What's yours?"
"Leesa Nite."
"Enjoying your free trial workout here?"
About as much as I enjoyed having poison ivy last summer. I nod and smile, stepping up the pace on the bike a little more and trying to look like I enjoy pain and suffering.
She opens her mouth to say something and then stops. I notice she's staring at the left bike handle.
"Is something wrong?" I ask, slowing slightly.
"What?" She looks back at me. "No. I didn't mean to stare but I couldn't help noticing your unusual ring. Did your husband give it to you?"
"Gary. My boyfriend."
"Oh." She looks back at the ring and then turns to me and says, "How about joining me in the slow cooker."
"The what?"
"Our sauna."
)
