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Holiday C.A.M.P. [MultiFormat]
eBook by Victor J. Banis

eBook Category: Erotica/Erotic Romance/Gay Fiction
eBook Description: Would you believe a lavender Santa swishing down the chimney? Well how about Jackie Holmes in little girl drag, chasing the jewels to the tune of the Pearly Freecock as played by Birdie Wing and the Swallow Children? Cruise in for a while...'tis the season to be gay and jolly...

eBook Publisher: MLR Press, LLC/MLR Press, LLC
Fictionwise Release Date: December 2011

Author's Note

An excerpt from Holiday Gay, included in The Man From C.A.M.P., from MLR Press.

The stories in the Man From C.A.M.P. series were written when I was very young, and were celebrated in their day for introducing a new kind of gay fiction and characters openly and proudly gay. They made no pretenses, however, to great literature. They were intended to be, well, campy. Place your tongue firmly in cheek, and do enjoy...

In Holiday Gay, the nefarious Birdy Wing is using department store Santas to steal priceless jewels. Disguised as a little girl, Jackie Holmes--the man from C.A.M.P. -- comes with his partner, Rich, to Marcy's Department Store, to check out the Santa there...

* * * *

A short time later, they were making their way through the crowds at Marcy's Westside department store. Jackie held tightly to Rich's hand, tickling the palm occasionally, to Rich's discomfort.

The Santa Claus department was on the fourth floor. Already, though it was early, there was a long line of children waiting with their mothers and a few fathers.

"Oh, Daddy," Jackie squealed, jumping up and down on one foot, "There he is. It's Santa Claus."

Rich smothered his embarrassment and took his place in line with his "daughter." The line moved forward slowly. The children fidgeted. Some of them cried, or yelled. The little boy in front of them stared at Jackie for a while and then stuck out his tongue. Jackie stuck out his as well.

"Now be nice, dear," Rich warned him, tugging his hand as the mother turned around to glower at them.

"Oh, sure," Jackie agreed reluctantly. He shoved his lollipop in the little boy's face. "Here, wanna suck?"

The mother nervously yanked her son in front of her. "Charming little girl," she said without enthusiasm. "But isn't she a bit big for this sort of thing?"

"Jackie Sue?" Rich asked. "Oh, she's just tall for her age. She's only eight."

"Heavens, what on earth do you give her to eat?"

"Oh, she eats a variety of things," Rich said. "She can't seem to get enough of the things she likes."

"Mostly meat," Jackie Sue added. "I love tons of meat, fresh, hot meat, especially big fat sausages. And loads of cream."

"And cheese," Rich suggested.

"Ugh." Jackie Sue made a face.

"Sounds like a heavy diet for a young girl," the woman said doubtfully.

"It puts hair on my chest," Jackie Sue answered, to the woman's dismay.

"She's got quite a sense of humor," Rich said, giving Jackie's hand an anxious tug.

"So I see. Well, as big as she is, I'll bet the boys don't tease her much."

"Oh, I hate a boy who's a tease," Jackie Sue said. "I like boys who are soft on me. But if a boy gets hard, why, then, I sit on him. I've sat on lots of boys. They always come after a while. To their senses, I mean."

The line moved forward again. The woman seemed to have given up the conversation. After another long wait it was time for her son to chat with Santa, and Rich and Jackie were next in line. Jackie took advantage of the opportunity to study the Santa. He looked like an ordinary department store Santa Claus, and not at all like a jewel thief. But then, Jackie reminded himself, just at the moment he didn't look like a secret agent, either. You just couldn't go by appearances in this business.

At last it was Jackie's turn. Ignoring the surprise on Santa's face, he skipped up the length of the carpet and proceeded to climb up on one big knee.

"My," Santa said, obviously finding this visitor heavier than most. "You're a big girl, aren't you?"

"The better to climb your tree," Jackie quipped in his little girl voice. He had decided to make his play right away. Without waiting for further conversation, he broke into song -- "Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly..." He paused at this point.

Santa gave him another surprised look. Then, after a pause, he laughed and finished the line -- "Fa la la la la, la la la la."

There was an awkward pause. Uncertain just what the procedure was with the gang, Jackie decided to continue. "Tis the season to be jolly..." This time Santa didn't laugh, but with a shrug added the fa la las.

"Don we now our gay apparel," sang Jackie.

"Are you planning on becoming a singer?" Santa asked, tiring of the singing game.

"Have you heard enough?" Jackie asked.

"Oh, quite," Santa assured him, getting a bit impatient. "After all, you didn't come here to serenade Santa, did you?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I came to get some goodies."

"I see. Any special goodies?" Santa had regained his usual air of good cheer.

"Very special ones," Jackie replied in a lower voice. "Something with feathers.

"I see." Santa was momentarily at a loss. "Well, I don't think we have any canaries on hand, but maybe by Christmas Eve..."

"Why don't you just slip it to me?" Jackie whispered, giving the bewhiskered man a wink.

"I beg your pardon!"

"You know, what you've been saving up for me. Give it to me, okay, pops."

Santa's face reddened. He cleared his throat. "My, you're a precocious thing, aren't you? Could it be possible that you've heard rumors about me...?"

"Not just rumors," Jackie assured him. They were talking now in lowered voices, although Santa kept glancing nervously at the waiting line of parents and children. "I know about your special things for little girls -- the right little girls. I'm here to get mine. And I assure you, I'm the right little girl for you."

"Well, yes, of course, I can see that," Santa said with a nervous giggle. "But of course, you know I couldn't do anything like that here, with all these people watching."

"Then I'll meet you somewhere. How about in the stock room?"

"The stock room? You want -- you want to meet me?"

"Sure, and anyway you want to spell it, too." Jackie winked again.

"Oh, I see." Santa seemed increasingly nervous. "What did you say your name was -- Lolita?"

"Jackie Sue. Look, I haven't got much time, I'm meeting another old guy later. Can we make this a quickie?"

"What about your daddy?"

"Him? Oh, don't worry, he's in on it. He always goes along when I'm after this sort of thing, just to make it safer. No questions asked that way, don't you get it?"

"Yes. I must say, it's a unique arrangement. Well, I take a break in fifteen minutes. If you're sure, why don't you sort of hang around and follow me down to the stockroom. We'll work something out, okay?"

"Now you're talking." Jackie raised his voice again. "Oh, Santa, you're such a card." He gave Santa a smack on the cheek with his lollipop. "I can't wait to see what you've got for me."

"Well, it's nothing spectacular," Santa admitted ruefully. "I mean, don't expect too much."

"It may be small," Jackie whispered. "But I'll bet it's priceless."

Santa blushed again. "I've been told it's very nice," he admitted.

The other children were getting impatient. Santa reached into the large box beside him and brought out a small present -- not, Jackie noticed, a lavender one. "Here's a little something from Santa," he said loudly. In a lower voice, he added, "I'll have something special for you down in the stockroom."

"Goodbye, Santa," Jackie chirped, climbing down off the knee. With a final wink, he skipped over to where Rich was waiting and grabbed Rich's hand. "Okay, Daddy, let's go," he said, tugging his partner away.

"How did you do?" Rich asked as soon as they had moved away from the crowd.

"Fine," Jackie assured him, "although personally I think this guy's goofy. But I'm to follow him to the stockroom in a few minutes. He'll give me the real stuff there. Apparently, they aren't taking any chances. They may be getting nervous." He related his conversation with Santa.

"I don't know, it sounds strange to me," Rich said. "Maybe they've gotten wise."

"I don't see how. Anyway, this guy is just so much blubber. I can handle him all right."

"Maybe so. Still, while you're waiting for him to take his break, I think I'll check it out with High Camp, just to see if there's any new developments. You never know."

"Okay. I'll wait here where I can watch Santa. But make it fast."

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